Speed dating is an unrivalled opportunity to improve your flirt skills. You should focus on just one goal: to separate the ‘maybes’ from the ‘no hopers’. Forget ‘could I fall in love/make love?’
Techniques for successful speed dating can be learned, providing you tighten your seatbelt, just go for it and practice.
To ensure every single ‘maybe’ wants to meet you again I suggest you write your name on date card – to exchange emails if you want to. Then you can be choosy. Take a risk, be adventurous.
Practise on the nerds, aim to fascinate all before music starts again 3 min later.
All dating is speed dating in that we tend to decide in the first few seconds. ‘I want this man’s children’ or ‘Where’s the fire escape?’ – keep your options open. Master the art of speed dating and use similar techniques in ordinary dates, and indeed people in everyday life non-dating situations. You’ll you meet more interesting people, some of whom might be relationship material, but you’ll probably get promoted at work too and be a wow at parties!
Convinced it’s love at first sight? Absence of lust at 1st sight doesn’t mean you’ll never lust for them, just need a more relaxed context. It’s lust at first sight that floods body with feel-good endorphins. More than this is needed for a long term relationship.
Just ask ‘could they be a friend?’ Nothing more. Remember heaps of ‘just-a-friend’ types turn into lovers and spouses every day – it just needs more time. Keep an open mind.
Become body-watcher: Your own as well as your date’s. Even ultimate chat up ineffective if not backed by confident & sexy body language.
Smile but not from ear to ear as you’ll appear too eager. Let your smile emerge & flood your face after a moment’s reflection in response to meeting your date or what they’ve said or done = meaning.
Eye contact. Looking elsewhere means not int. Don’t stare. Let eyes dance over their face as if old frnd. Glance briefly at their body too shows you’re attracted. Serious electricity = hold eye contact millisec longer before glancing away & back again.
Firm handshake. Limp lettuce handshakes are the number one turnoff.
Mirror voice volume and tone and also their style of moving as this can create a powerful and instant bond. Only mirror positives not their negatives!
Say your name before you ask for theirs – unless they get in first. Make a note of it date card – correct spelling – for computer. Easier to say their name when you’re chatting as this creates a powerful bond.
Forget clever/risqué openers. Use simple everyday stuff. Try flattery – can work wonders at this stage ‘Great outfit, by the way!’ only takes 2 seconds to say. Nothing memorable.
Small talk is not what you say but how you say it – tone of voice & body lang should be confident, warm and happy. Tells your date you want to get to know them.
Don’t make your date feel uncomfortable: getting too close or engaging in sex talk. Don’t be too effusive as this gives the impression of being emotionally needy and this is scary.
Zap your nerves: chat ups best when you dump nerves. Own them and then your date admit same and you’ll have a good laugh which will defuse the tension.
Prepare a couple of key points about yourself. ‘I’m a salsa dancing architect who’s passionate about travel and sport – what about you?’ or ‘I love entertaining friends at home and clubbing – my day job is a teacher/banker’.
Pro-active Listening. Best chat up not what you say but what you don’t – how you listen to make your date feel appreciated. Do be kind and polite to the no-hopers too, Face your date and lean forward to show interest, maintain eye contact without staring, and smile. uh hums, ‘sounds good’, ‘cool’ etc to show genuine interest.
‘Reflect back’, paraphrase every so often. This is a great tool to make them feel good about themselves and also you. If there is an awkward silence, repack some they said earlier and ask them to expand on it.
Avoid yes/no questions. To bond on any date use open ended questions requiring more than just a “yes” or a “no”. Ask what they ‘think’, ‘feel’ or ‘like’. Guys, do pay attention to this point as women love a man in touch with feelings. Women, pay attention to this: avoid apologising and being self-deprecating, e.g., ‘It’s silly to say this, but ..’ Keep your voice low which will put your date at ease. 11
To captivate date, focus on them. They will find you more fascinating the more you get them to talk about themselves.
If your date dominates the conversation, no, don’t collude. It’s probably nervousness so do assert yourself – and give them a 2nd chance. Take charge. Not ego maniacs. Touch forearm, look in eye,smile, say name ‘Susan/John,’ pause, then say, ‘it’s time to change over, let me tell you about myself.’
Time management: use a mental egg timer! Ensure you give date plenty of time to talk. If they are tongue-tied, don’t look bored. 12
At the two minute mark, you must decide if your date is a Maybe? or No-Hoper? The clock is ticking. You now know enough to decide whether to swap tel numbers or emails. Don’t wait for date to ask, ask for their number yourself. Gals please take note – don’t just wait for the guy to make the first move!
If you like them – say so, right now. Your date may not remember your user name /speed dating number. So say ‘I’d like it if we could swap mob numbers to continue this conversation – over a drink. Ensure that you have something to write on!
Who phones who? Top tip: – ‘let’s phone one another’. Leave your options open – women often wait for phone that never rings and this way you can phone the guy without feeling you are “chasing”. Or you may be required to just tick the date card!
Rejection – if you have to do this, please be kind but firm & clear. If feel cowardly you can say you’re not deciding till you’ve seen all the dates’. Or explain that not enough in common and wish them luck
We are all rejected sometime. Ask yourself what can you learn? Better regret what you tried than something you didn’t try. 15