Women: should you? Or shouldn’t you? And if you do, what sort of kiss?
Watch my video above for full discussion.
I’m talking about a real snog here, not just the polite peck on the cheek.It depends. Are you seeking just a fling, or a real long term relationship? If it’s the latter – here’s what I recommend:
First dates usually fall into one of the following categories. Decide which one your date falls into. The most common:
A. Your date is attractive, you think you might want to see them again, but you’re not sure yet if there could be any real chemistry. Maybe just friendship material? There are no obvious flirt signals coming across.
B. Your date is drop dead gorgeous, you know there’s chemistry or at least “lust at first sight” and it’s obvious your date feels the same.
C. Your date is a definite ‘no hoper”
Assuming A or B, the smart solution if you are looking for a long term relationship, is to go for the slow burn. Keep them wondering whichever category of date it is. And especially if your date is really hot!
Remember that instant passion is easy, but the slower and more tantalizing the build up to that first kiss, the more exciting it will be and the more likely it will develop into something special.
So, keep them waiting. Especially if you fancy them like crazy! Even if you just know your date is absolutely the one for you!
Also, keep them waiting the date is “just friendship material” but you’re not sure if there could be any chemistry.
The stress around first dates means that the essential spark you seek is less likely to kindle. But it may well do so when you’re more relaxed with each other in a different situation. You don’t believe me? Just ask any couples who’ve been together a few years in a good relationship if they fancied one another when they met first – many won’t have. Check it out.
So, keeping all options open, whether your date is a ‘maybe’ or ‘hot’ you’ll be doing your best flirtatious eye contact and body language. But with intriguing subtlety, please note. Unless your date’s in the ‘no-hoper’ category in which case be pleasant and kind, and withhold flirt signals.
It needs saying again, many many singles expect there to be chemistry or no chemistry on first dates. Life isn’t like this. The problem with first dates, especially arranged dates, is that the stress around them, even if you’re a confident person, will prevent flirting taking place. No flirting. No chemistry. You will think your date doesn’t fancy you, so you won’t send out flirtatious signals for them to respond to. In a different, more relaxed situation, where you are doing something that is fun together, that spark is far more likely to ignite!
Strategically, the keener you are to see your date again, the shorter you should keep the first date. An hour over a drink. Never dinner. Plan to finish whilst there’s lots more to discover about each another. Curiostiy is sexy!
Time to part? Time for a kiss? If your date is hot, be sure to suggest just a touch of sexual electricity, and maybe just a tiny hint of sensual delights to come by going only for the ‘brushing’ kiss – cheek-to-cheek or mouth to cheek and extend it for that electric split second longer to whet his appetite and keep him wondering. Please note, I didn’t say mouth to mouth!
If, on the other hand you just want to keep your options open, give a quick combined mini-hug and cheek-to-cheek kiss. Friendly and yet not over-intimate. Stick to an arm squeeze or an amiable handshake if you are unsure where you stand or if you don’t want to see him or her again.
‘OK,’ I can hear you say, ‘but what if your date initiates a full-on French kiss and it’s a case of “no, no” as you’re not keen or not ready?’ Not an easy one! I‘ve asked a lot of singles about this over the years and many would reject the kiss by backing right off. Some would be embarrassed and avoid eye contact and decide on the spot never to see the date again. Because it’s all too soon. If your date is drunk or stupid – that’s fair enough. Supposing, though, your date could be a really nice, sensitive person who, like most of us is terrified of first dates and simply has simply misread your signals? Quite often it’s the guy who falls into this category, but not always.
Women don’t realise that it’s tough for guys on dates too. And they often try to impress by being much too full on.
You want to feel you’ve handled the situation to the best of your ability. So practise this response: push your date firmly but gently away, establish eye contact and say, ‘I’m not ready for this yet– I need to know someone really well first.’
There can be no rule about kissing. Let’s face it, every situation must be judged individually. You need to have a response ready for any turn of events. Above all aim to have fun and always end dates on a happy note. Whether they’re a ‘maybe’ or even perhaps ‘the one’.